Don’t let Tesla Cybertruck’s new tool rack distract from its oversize windshield wiper

Yesterday, Tesla teased a new accessory for the Cybertruck: a tool rack that attaches to the bed of the electric pickup truck. At first glance, this would seem to be an obvious accessory to offer to truck customers, many of whom are contractors and tradespeople with a wide variety of tool storage needs. The Cybertruck aspires to be a truck for all types of people, and a tool rack helps illustrate the types of accessories that will be available when it eventually comes out (probably next year, but who knows).

But don’t be fooled. Tesla is merely trying to draw attention away from the windshield wiper, which, as we previously mentioned, is absurdly large. But — and I can’t emphasize this enough — not large enough to actually clean the entire windshield. Previous evidence shows that the single blade leaves the whole top left section of the windshield unwiped. That is what I mean when I say the Cybertruck windshield wiper is one of the defining issues of our time.

We’ve previously pondered the enigma that is the Cybertruck windshield wiper and are still left with so many questions. Will it extend to cover the whole windshield? If so, will it go past the perimeter of the windshield with each swipe? If it telescopes, will it break more easily? (Mercedes tried a telescoping single blade for the E-class in the 1990s, but apparently, it was highly breakable.) Why did they make it this way?

And now there’s this tool rack, sitting snuggly on the bed, sporting a couple shovels that look very real and totally legit. But make no mistake. They are trying to draw your eyes to the rear of the vehicle so you forget about the chaos that’s going on in the front. They thought maybe they could minimize the image of the skeletal arm of a windshield wiper blade swiping impotently at the vast expanse of glass by rolling out a shiny new toy for everyone to gawk at.

Will it work? Probably. Tesla fans love treats, and the company is adept at shoveling (get it?) loads of sugary snacks at their feet. But you and I both know what’s really going on here. We won’t get rolled. We’re wiper truthers. And we will get to the bottom of this.